Prologue
I have no intention of explaining how the following 31 emails I now offer to the digital public fell into my inbox.
So, no, dear auditor, I shall not tell you how I came into possession of these correspondences; no freedom of information act will rip from whence these came. And much like the Titular Toutlips, I also like it rough, so bring on the chains and whips.
Rest simply in the knowledge these digital exchanges live in the ether above cubicles across the land. Why, these maybe even downloaded now. Or now. Did someone just buy another copy? Ha, the “Resource” revolution has begun.
A word of caution: it should come to the auditor no surprise that these emails are between personnel who identify as human resource staff. So feel free to discount all words therein, or at least take each communique with an unhealthy amount of salt.
Human Resources is an apt name for a department often tasked with relegating human beings into ineffectual shapes and sizes, which bare the slightest offense to the organization---and paradoxically the most offense to its employees.
How else could it be? Every organization of human-ish configuration has devoted part of its energies to making sure its following its own rules, finding new chattel for assembly line, and tattling on employees everywhere.
Not everything stated here should be adhered to in the least. Or, even more gravely, the most. HR staff will forever be disposed to make statements only when the most stringent of documentation could back up.
Even so, these are simply observations made from the deepest of pits and tallest of ivory towers. Much like HR itself, they may have little to no bearing on the reader, assuming the reader is an ineffectual glob of residual humanity.
Take solace, too: I understand that the two parties engaged here (the elder Toutlips and the younger Snakeash) have already been banished into the oblivion of perpetual job-seeking, a fitting end for two fools who allowed their own paper trail to be their undoing.
In conclusion, I have made little effort to arrange the emails chronologically pleasingly. Again, the emails I make no ownership claim, are plopped upon the screen/page in the same order they appeared in my email, a veritable mish-mash of timing and importance.
Take that from what you will. Or nothing. Or, take some supplies from the office cabinet. It would seem no one pays attention.
Sincerely,
DP Wauchope